1 00:00:19,980 --> 00:00:21,126 Howzit my chinas 2 00:00:21,226 --> 00:00:23,011 you're tuned in to the News World Order 3 00:00:23,111 --> 00:00:25,693 with me your host Bill de Berg, hard-truths reporter 4 00:00:25,907 --> 00:00:27,559 I heard you're seeking some form of closure 5 00:00:27,659 --> 00:00:30,902 so here's an update as we march deeper into glorious dystopia 6 00:00:31,002 --> 00:00:33,506 Ja... things have taken a lekker turn hey? 7 00:00:33,606 --> 00:00:36,382 The world's unravelling, tensions rising, sabres rattling 8 00:00:36,482 --> 00:00:38,928 ISIS up in yo airports, fake economies faltering 9 00:00:39,103 --> 00:00:41,455 immigrants crossing all of your imaginary borders 10 00:00:41,555 --> 00:00:44,136 And worst of all, you oaks don’t even know what's happening 11 00:00:44,370 --> 00:00:46,838 since Rap News wrapped up, sending you all scrambling 12 00:00:47,071 --> 00:00:49,403 Now there’s no more Robert Foster here to explain 13 00:00:49,503 --> 00:00:51,782 and even Prince and Bowie ascended to another plane. 14 00:00:51,882 --> 00:00:54,767 But don't worry, I've come back to offer some assistance 15 00:00:54,867 --> 00:00:57,177 in a once-off Rap News special edition 16 00:00:57,277 --> 00:00:59,839 on the year's final tragedy: the US election 17 00:00:59,939 --> 00:01:02,502 Let's get right down to action, with Hillary Clinton. 18 00:01:02,602 --> 00:01:04,445 - First Lady in the White House, bitches 19 00:01:04,545 --> 00:01:07,671 Y'all about to witness the first ever female POTUS 20 00:01:07,771 --> 00:01:10,412 No more dicks, only ovaries up in the Oval Office 21 00:01:10,512 --> 00:01:12,996 - Welcome Hillary, what makes you the top pick for voters? 22 00:01:13,096 --> 00:01:15,562 - Bill, the sad truth of it is we're losing our grip 23 00:01:15,662 --> 00:01:18,185 the current neoliberal order has taken numerous hits 24 00:01:18,285 --> 00:01:21,178 the structure is crumbling and the world is suffering under it 25 00:01:21,278 --> 00:01:23,744 struggling, and now people have had it with the one per cent 26 00:01:23,844 --> 00:01:26,523 Debt, austerity, all spreading like cancers 27 00:01:26,623 --> 00:01:29,030 People are hungry for a cure and thirsty for answers 28 00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:32,159 for a commander who cares instead of one who merely panders... 29 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,160 - You mean someone like Bernie Sanders? 30 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,862 - Exactly, that's why we berned his nomination chances 31 00:01:36,962 --> 00:01:39,505 with backroom media deals and dirty slanders 32 00:01:39,605 --> 00:01:42,242 Debbie landed one of the most scandalous gerrymanders 33 00:01:42,342 --> 00:01:44,830 And that's why I'm the top Democratic candidate 34 00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:48,017 - Ahh Hillary, such a pro at dealing with Libtard chumps 35 00:01:48,172 --> 00:01:50,194 But will that be enough? Now we meet the c*** 36 00:01:50,294 --> 00:01:52,623 whose rise has left many, including himself stumped 37 00:01:52,723 --> 00:01:55,344 What makes you the best nominee, Donald Trump? 38 00:01:55,444 --> 00:01:57,870 - I'm smart, I know words, all the best words 39 00:01:57,970 --> 00:02:00,746 like, tremendous, terrific and... believe me, all the best words. 40 00:02:00,846 --> 00:02:03,428 But to Make America Great again, we need action 41 00:02:03,528 --> 00:02:06,091 by bringing back the haydays of racism and fascism 42 00:02:06,191 --> 00:02:08,384 Check my list: incite rabid nationalism 43 00:02:08,484 --> 00:02:11,163 blame our problems on Jews... I mean Muslims and Mexicans 44 00:02:11,377 --> 00:02:13,903 call on rivals to be killed, or imprisoned 45 00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:16,566 support the use of torture, especially for my critics 46 00:02:16,666 --> 00:02:19,209 Also, I'm very rich. Sure I've made some folks homeless 47 00:02:19,309 --> 00:02:21,833 But not paying employees is how I got this loaded 48 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:24,456 The country’s just another company, we all know this 49 00:02:24,592 --> 00:02:27,391 And this is why it's me that needs to be the CEO-TUS 50 00:02:27,806 --> 00:02:30,148 Coz all I do is win win win, no matter what 51 00:02:30,248 --> 00:02:32,868 Got money on my mind I can never get enough 52 00:02:32,968 --> 00:02:35,106 And every time I sound more like the Fuhrer 53 00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:37,225 Everybody's hands go up... 54 00:02:38,168 --> 00:02:39,168 And they stay high, 55 00:02:39,412 --> 00:02:40,412 And they say 'heil'! 56 00:02:40,512 --> 00:02:42,977 - You're rated as the most hated candidates in history 57 00:02:43,077 --> 00:02:45,562 Impressive! How did you to achieve this? Hillary? 58 00:02:45,678 --> 00:02:47,972 - Oh Bill, it's easy when you're a corporate shill like me 59 00:02:48,072 --> 00:02:50,887 We sold out families to our masters on Wall Street 60 00:02:51,003 --> 00:02:53,546 Now working classes are angry and highly peeved 61 00:02:53,646 --> 00:02:55,901 at being betrayed by elites from Ivy Leagues... 62 00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:57,767 - I agree, that's why they're flying to me 63 00:02:57,941 --> 00:03:01,248 Il Douche, the strongman they need. Or so they're led to believe 64 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,911 - You stand no chance against my loyal Hill-bots 65 00:03:04,085 --> 00:03:06,570 despite all my epic fails, from gay-marriage flip-flops 66 00:03:06,670 --> 00:03:08,963 to leaked emails, the american people 67 00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:11,820 are left with no option but to opt for the lesser evil 68 00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:14,522 - Lesser evil? More like a war criminal, and a liar 69 00:03:14,622 --> 00:03:17,476 probably sold a ton of arms to the Saudis just in the past hour 70 00:03:17,576 --> 00:03:19,827 - ha ha ha ha ha ha hahaaaaa 71 00:03:19,927 --> 00:03:22,509 Did I mention that I landed here under sniper fire? 72 00:03:22,626 --> 00:03:25,094 - Trust me, we’re not safe under this vile statist 73 00:03:25,194 --> 00:03:27,640 - A whole lot safer than under a frickin child rapist 74 00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:29,836 A small-time dick-tator, with a small... 75 00:03:29,936 --> 00:03:33,081 - That's it! I have BIG hands, look at the size of these hands bitch! 76 00:03:33,181 --> 00:03:35,547 Well it's safe to say that, either way, we're guaranteed 77 00:03:35,647 --> 00:03:38,076 the USA will have a great Commander in Grief 78 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,641 But do you wonder what this debate would be like          79 00:03:40,741 --> 00:03:43,537 if it featured true alternatives from the Left and the Right? 80 00:03:43,751 --> 00:03:45,617 Let's find out, shall we? 81 00:03:46,180 --> 00:03:48,843 - Jill Stein for the Greens here spilling some real messages 82 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:51,583 Hillary's a disgrace to any self-respecting feminist 83 00:03:51,683 --> 00:03:53,737 You want a woman in the White House? 84 00:03:53,837 --> 00:03:56,947 Well, here's one who isn't a corporate sell-out slashing your benefits 85 00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:59,298 one who doesn't bomb kids in the streets 86 00:03:59,590 --> 00:04:02,000 and prop up their oppressors in the Middle East 87 00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:04,215 or who receives funding from brutal regimes 88 00:04:04,351 --> 00:04:07,111 supports coups in Honduras then deports refugees 89 00:04:07,211 --> 00:04:09,890 - Yo yo yo Gary Johnson on the mic, wassuuup! 90 00:04:10,045 --> 00:04:12,591 Republicans, dudes, you need to lighten uuuup 91 00:04:12,727 --> 00:04:14,865 the GOP is over, that's right it's done 92 00:04:14,965 --> 00:04:17,839 Forget Aleppo, somebody help me light this blunt 93 00:04:17,939 --> 00:04:19,704 Coz first thing I'll do when I'm the Prez 94 00:04:19,804 --> 00:04:23,105 is legalise weed and ban Income Tax instead 95 00:04:23,205 --> 00:04:25,709 cut the military budget by 43 per cent 96 00:04:25,809 --> 00:04:28,178 abolish the IRS and dismantle the Fed 97 00:04:28,278 --> 00:04:30,840 - If I'm elected I'ma put an end to all student debt 98 00:04:30,940 --> 00:04:33,522 Fuck the banks, bail out the next generation! 99 00:04:33,622 --> 00:04:36,301 - Support marriage equality, embrace immigration 100 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:39,002 so I can get blazed with everyone of all nations 101 00:04:39,102 --> 00:04:41,568 - Honestly, forget these lofty sermons 'n dreams 102 00:04:41,723 --> 00:04:44,580 the only person with serious policies is Vermin Supreme 103 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,029 Working a scheme to fight the Zombie apocalypse 104 00:04:47,129 --> 00:04:49,750 Who else will be ready when the monsters stomp ya metropolis? 105 00:04:49,963 --> 00:04:53,209 Then I'll solve the whole energy crisis by putting them zombies 106 00:04:53,423 --> 00:04:54,939 on giant hamster-wheel devices 107 00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:57,465 Defeat ISIS with daily glitter bombing 108 00:04:57,565 --> 00:05:00,108 and kill baby Hitler with time-travel technology 109 00:05:00,244 --> 00:05:02,732 My Tooth brushing laws are a special development 110 00:05:02,832 --> 00:05:05,316 Get your shiney smiling teeth looking very excellent 111 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,746 It's time for the first glitter wizard President 112 00:05:07,846 --> 00:05:10,661 vote for me n there'll be free ponies for All Americans   113 00:05:10,761 --> 00:05:13,168 - I'm a doctor, here's some free medical wisdom 114 00:05:13,268 --> 00:05:15,928 we need to fix the cancer of this two-party prison 115 00:05:16,028 --> 00:05:18,299 - It's the only way to cure this sick political system 116 00:05:18,399 --> 00:05:20,903 - So America - Vote your conscience, this election! 117 00:05:21,003 --> 00:05:23,585 - Thanks third-party candidates, that may be so 118 00:05:23,685 --> 00:05:25,722 Sadly though, we control the media 119 00:05:25,822 --> 00:05:28,929 which means we can block you from the show and most voters will never know 120 00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,572 the better options that you offer to the status quo 121 00:05:31,672 --> 00:05:34,274 So if you're content with the lesser evil: Vote Hillary 122 00:05:34,410 --> 00:05:36,100 It'll fan the very flames of discontent 123 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:39,579 that are fuelling fascist sentiments, and personally I can't wait to see 124 00:05:39,679 --> 00:05:42,067 how much more threatening the next Trump will be 125 00:05:42,203 --> 00:05:44,885 Or fuck it, vote Trump, if you're really feeling courageous! 126 00:05:44,985 --> 00:05:47,392 I've always wanted to try living in The Dark Ages 127 00:05:47,528 --> 00:05:50,112 ja kids, it's great to witness history in the making 128 00:05:50,229 --> 00:05:52,775 but watching it repeat, is even more entertaining 129 00:05:52,875 --> 00:05:55,282 Or maybe you'll surprise me and see the light: 130 00:05:55,382 --> 00:05:57,906 By building a movement that truly unites Left and Right 131 00:05:58,006 --> 00:06:00,549 Re-includes the disencfranchised in the nation's life 132 00:06:00,665 --> 00:06:03,328 And declares war on your common enemy: corporate might 133 00:06:03,428 --> 00:06:05,951 I'll be back next election, sisters and brothers 134 00:06:06,051 --> 00:06:08,520 assuming of course that there will even be another 135 00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:11,043 to discover which history you'll choose to write 136 00:06:11,143 --> 00:06:14,289 Till then - Bill de Berg, for Rap News, goodnight. 137 00:06:14,389 --> 00:06:17,806 Subtitles by: .koolfy Translation to by